Tar Yar (19): “You cannot destroy my life further”

http://burmavoices.com/2010/05/tar-yar-19/#more-226

People's Stories

Tar Yar’s Voice

Burmese child soldiers - not Tar Yar

Tar Yar – not his real name – is 19 years old and a former child soldier. He arrived in NuPho refugee camp in 2008. He is from Bago, Bago Division. Tar Yar is on his own in the camp. He has no contact with his relatives for safety reasons. This is his harrowing story.
“In 2005, I was ‘persuaded’ to join the army:
I was watching a football match at a teashop. After the match I walked home, I was alone at night. Soldiers approached me in the streets and asked me ‘where are you going?’. I told them I was on my way home. ‘No, you have to come with us’, they told me. They told me they would take me to a sportsteam. Because I loved football so much, I thought that wold be great. However, I told them I would have to talk to my mother about it first. ‘No’, they told me. ‘If you want to go to your mother, you do not trust us and we will arrest you for being suspicious of us’.
They took me with them. I was 15 years old.”
Tar Yar was taken to the Rangoon Sportsstadium, where many other young boys and men were kept. They told him he would be taken to an army training school. He was given no further explanation. He could not contact his mother or any other relatives. He just had to stay there.
“In the morning we got very bad coffee and bad food. Burma has ten training schools for soldiers. They told me I was too small and skinny to be selected for soldier. You have to weigh at least 100 pounds and I did not.”

 “I was sleeping on the floor. There were many bedbugs and I was bitten a lot. I did a lot of thinking, too. I smoked a lot, because I wanted my face to look older. I wanted to leave the place they kept me and thought I might go to a better place if I could become a soldier. I was kept in a prison-like place, locked up with other people. So, I tried to eat a lot to gain weight.”
At the next soldier-selection, Tar Yar begs the officials to take him to the training school. And they do. He is taken to Pyinmana – a town close to the new capital Naypyidaw – and starts soldier training.
He stammers as he tells his story.
“The training was very hard: I vomited from all the exercise. It was extremely demanding. One day, I saw somebody who wanted to escape, but was caught. He was tortured: they bound his arms and legs and beat them until the skin came off his legs. It was terrible.”
Tar Yar was on the training course for four and a half months. After that, he was transferred to Rangoon, to the Hlegu soldier camp.
“At the camp, I was forced to work in a rubber plantation and grow vegetables. I got some salary, 12,000 Kyat (about 12 dollars) a month. I managed to escape and went to Bago. I visited my mother and told her the whole story. My grandfather was a policeman, so it was not safe for me at home. My mother knew they would be looking for me because I had escaped.”
“Eventually, my mother advised me to hand myself in. The earlier you do this, the shorter the prison sentence you receive. We knew I would be sent to prison if I handed myself in, and that is why my mother wanted me to do this sooner rather than later.”
He was not sent to a normal prison however, but to a prison in a soldier’s camp.
“I was kept in leg chains and had to sleep outside. I could not sleep there and was exhausted. I had to eat leftover food and the drinking water was dirty. The circumstances there were terrible. I lost a lot of weight and became very skinny. At some point, I requested them to send me to prison: the circumstances there would be better.”
Tar Yar was taken back to Hlegu camp, where he first had his soldier’s training.
“The General in the camp told me I should not have ran away and asked me if I wanted to be a soldier. I told him I did not want to become a soldier. That is when they sent me to Insein prison.”
He was sentenced to one year in Insein prison.

“I had no leg chains, could play ball and watch tv. I could also buy food there. It was better than the soldier’s camp. After five months, I was sent to a labour camp in Shan State. That is what the authorities do to short-term prisoners: you either become a porter or you are transferred to a labour camp. They could not use me as a porter, because I had had soldier training and knew how to use a gun. Because I did not have any money, I could not bribe anybody. I did not want to cause any problems for my parents either.”
Tar Yar struggles with words as he continues his story.
“It was worse than prison. The labour was extremely hard. I was forced to wear leg chains. I worked in sugercane irrigation channels. On the count of ten, we had to finish a certain amount of work. It was very hard. My hands were injured and bleeding. They beat me. My legs were injured and bleeding, too. My back and arms ached constantly. We never got enough food. They only gave us rice to eat.”
Because of this, he got so hungry, he ate raw vegetables and plants.
“We had to dig out irrigation channels from 6 am until 6 pm. When you were tired and stopped, you were beaten. There was never enough food. I was very weak. Once, there was a washing bowl with water for handwashing. Because people washed their hands after eating, there were some bits of rice in the bowl. I was so hungry, I ate it. I also stole little bits of salt from the kitchen and drank it with water. Just because I was so hungry.”
Tar Yar was released after five months in the labour camp. He went to Mandalay but was approached by soldiers again.
“They asked me: ‘where are you going?’ and ‘let us see your ID card’. I told them: I am an ex-soldier. I am an ex-prisoner. My life was destroyed by you.”
The soldiers took him into their car.
“I said: ‘I do not care anymore. You cannot destroy my life further.’
They let me go.”
“I went home to Pago. My mother warned me not to do anything wrong. She told me I was notorious and would get arrested again. One day, the police came to our house. I did not want to see them. I did in the end and showed them my release certificate from prison. They wanted to take me for interrogation. I took a stick and beat the police. I managed to run away and get into a car. I went to Mae Sot, Thailand. It was a very long trip. I stayed in a monastery on the way.
On arrival in Mae Sot, I slept in a phone booth. I knew my cousin’s sister was in Mae Sot, but I could not find her. I heard stories about Thai police arresting illegal Burmese immigrants. I managed to evade them.”
“I worked in the construction business in Mae Sot. Our boss was Thai. He looked down on the Burmese workers and treated them badly. He used to hit people. I could not accept this and one day I threw bricks at the boss. It was an ‘accident’. I said sorry and left the construction site.”
Tar Yar got in contact with an aid organisation called GIS. They helped him and he came to NuPho camp in 2008. He was 17 years old then.
“I now have a god-mother in London. GIS found her. This woman is helping me. I want to help other former child soldiers. The woman from the UK has visited me twice so far. She is in her forties, I think. She stayed in Mae Sot with me for a year. She organised an English teacher so that I could learn English.”
“I do not know how my family is doing. They do not know I am here. It is too dangerous to contact them. I do not want to put them in danger.”
“My god-mother from England helped me study in Mae Sot. She had a motorbike accident there and had to go back to the UK. She rented an appartment for me, but I stayed with King Zero. He taught me a lot. About Buddhism, computers, communication. He gave me more self-esteem.”
The English woman advised Tar Yar to go and stay in the refugee camp. He does not know whether he is officially registered as a refugee with the UNHCR.
“I still suffer from problems due to the bad treatment in the past. I have bad vision and think this is due to ammonia vapours from the toilets in the prison cells. I also suffer from stomach problems. I get medicines for my eyes: glasses and eyedrops.”

“I am in the camp alone. I have no place for myself. I sleep in Kyaungs (monasteries) or with friends. I read and study during the day. I do not get any therapy or psychological help. Only from King Zero and the others.”
“At the moment I am waiting for whatever will be organised for me. I am waiting for the English woman to organise something.”
How did Tar Yar survive and deal with all this?
“King Zero told me to encourage and trust myself. He increased my self-esteem. I also met an author and somebody else who told me I had to be strong. I do not want to think about what happened to me, but it is in the heart – not in the mind.”